Massage Parlors (For Guys Only) yes, it's a repeat ?

What is the deal with massage parlors ? Why are so many of them called Asian ? Why is the word Oriental or Asian always on the sign ?  Why are they all in some ugly strip center with only the flashing Open signs  visible ?  Why am I asking such stupid questions that we all know the answers to ?

     Sex is a wonderful thing and available everywhere. The only difference is the interpretation by people about it being free or costing ? Let's face it guys..............It always cost one way or another. (Sorry girls).
     I have recently done some investigation on massage parlors strictly for educational purposes for this blog. (And if you believe that you are really much dumber than I thought you were).   OK, lets have a simple discussion on types of massage parlors.  There are legitimate ones that you really have to search for. These are the ones without signs and completely hidden. Then we have the Asian massage parlor that seems to be run by 30-40 year old Asian ladies that only speak enough English to get you to pay for an hour session, and then once inside, nude, relaxed, and feeling good you will notice their English improves drastically and they all seem to become first rate negotiators.  Naturally, the higher the tip, the more they will do.  It is also funny that some of them will not do anything sexual the first time.................no matter what.  They are seriously great business people. They have to be, especially after inventing the Happy Ending.

     Then we go to the next type of massage parlor which lately has changed and is sometimes called Body Rubs.  The signs are usually the same, although some choose to use the Body Rub sign.  This is slightly different because this is usually non-Asian.  Alas, the white and black working girls of America have figured out a way to compete with the Asian Massage Parlors.

    

These places have a much different theme then the Asian Massage Parlors.  They are not as clean, and usually have a pretty strong looking guy at the front desk.  This person will immediately ask you if you have been here before ?  He will then take you in a room, or in a side area where the girls on duty will walk out and introduce themselves.  Once you pick out a girl that you like, off to a private room you will go. You will be told to get comfortable and that she will be right back, with the money you have given her for the house.  After about 10 minutes of waiting there will be a knock on the door with you lying naked on a table.  Well , now the light talking and light rubbing on your back starts and it's off to the races.  It's now all about those little green things called money. I guess everything in the USA comes down to tipping.  You can't eat, park your car, get any service done without tipping. Well, this is service and thus tipping is permitted.

    
What happens next is strictly between you and the girl and what kind of a deal you have just made with this young lady who is either.............doing this to pay her way through college.............or recently got divorced and needs to do this to pay for her kids schooling.............or is studying to open a hair salon and needs some more money..........or some other wonderful story that you won't believe anyway. But regardless of the story or anything else, it will be called tipping and tipping only. Naturally that is due to the fact that tipping is legal, but charging for sex is not.  I didn't write the rules, I just follow them.

     Part of the reason I am sharing this with you is that a good friend of mine has opened her own place recently and really confides in me.  The other part is that I have done some research in this area on my own.  WTF.........I am a guy..........There are tons of these parlors everywhere.............They stay in business most of the time..............Do the math.............Oh.......and the next time your BF  or husband, or co-worker, or someone you know says they have never been in one of these places and never will ?????????????????  Just look him in the eyes knowing that he probably is full of shit..

F**king Traveling

Bullshit Airports

I have just returned from a great week in California where I was visiting my family.  That was wonderful, with the exception of the traveling to and from California.  Now I know that I am not unique when it comes to this sort of travel.  I am also positive that many of you can relate to the wonderful fucking bullshit we must all contend with for the pleasure of flying.

         Finally getting on a plane is probably the easiest part of any trip.  Let me give you the gory details about my trip from Palm Beach International to Los Angeles last week.  First of all I am up at 5am to get ready for a 7.20 departure.  This is a pretty close and easy airport, but lets face it.......nothing is easy. Before 6am, I am in my car for the 25 minute drive to the airport.  I arrive there and park in the Long Term (Economy) parking.  I wait a few minutes for the bus and pretty soon the bus is at the airport and I have checked in.  I now wait impatiently for the boarding announcement. Alas...here comes the announcement with a little extra thrown in. "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to a completely sold out flight, we ask that you check any large baggage here at the gate because there will not be room on the aircraft for it." It doesn't bother me, because I am smart enough to only travel with one bag and check the fucking thing.  I am now sitting in my seat on the aircraft and waiting for this completely sold out flight to leave. (Oh yes...it's sold out because they no longer have the other 2 flights they always had and thus the consolidation).  Well, we arrive in Dallas on time, (have to do the Dallas shuffle because there are no non stop flights from PBI to LAX.  OK, now to exit the plane and wait another hour and a half for my connection.  Well, that is no problem because the connecting gate is about 43 miles away if you know Dallas.
     It is now almost 2 hours later and I have boarded my next segment going to LA. No problems and we land at LAX almost on time.. A small hour wait to finally get my one piece of luggage, a small wait for the bus to take me to the rental car company, and only a small wait to get the car and a longer wait to check it out by the main gate.  A little drive to the hotel and can you believe it.......I have arrived.......
      The rest of my trip and some fun things will have to wait.....

Vacation is over and its back to WPB.  Now I leave my family in my rented car, drive to the car rental place which these days is nowhere near the fucking airport.  It's Saturday, so not so bad. Take the car rental bus to the airport, check my bag outside and proceed to the security area.  That is usually always fun for me ?????  I go thru the machine and off goes the alarm.  Now it's off to be searched and patted down.

I didn't have sex for the time I was gone, so I knew this was going to be an experience.  I was right.  Had the same guy that violated me on my last trip take me to the side. I am convinced this TSA degenerate had been waiting for me for several months.  He greeted me like I was his best bud, and immediately began touching me all over. By all over I mean beneath my belt and on top of my thighs.  After both of us reaching a mutual orgasm, he decided that I was fit to fly........Yippee.
So now I walk to the gate, and fortunately there is an Admirals Club there where I can hang until the flight departs. No real incidents to report on the flight with the exception of this pain in the ass woman sitting in the middle seat next to me constantly going to the overhead bins to put in and take out shit......

It wasn't too bad until she decided to go to the bathroom. Naturally she waiting until I was sound asleep so that she needed to wake me...I fixed that bitch when we landed.  She only wanted to get off the plane so fast, but I wouldn't get up until everyone in front of me was on the way out. I am sure she is still cursing me.
      No problem at all and before I know it we have arrived back in Dallas/Fort Worth where I will change planes once again and wait for two hours once again.  I take the train to the other terminal for my next segment and head right for the Admirals Club that is there. Thank God for that.

Here we go again. Same speech about the luggage, and same completely full flight heading for PBI. So I am sitting in the completely full aircraft and waiting and am sure the AC will go on in a second. Well it doesn't, and that was because only the pilots have the authority to put it on.  Oh wait.....there is no pilot or co-pilot...No one knows where they are and we just sit there. You would think if they were out partying that the least they could do would be to show up on time....Well, one excuse after another and about one hour later they arrive and the air does go on. Also some bullshit story about traffic or something like that.
       The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful...Ordered a $10 sandwich on board which was worth maybe $1.50.. Gotta love airline food these days.  Land in PBI, get bag, bus to car, car to home, and that is it.   Only 16 hours (minus the time change)  total travel time from LA to Palm Beach.
       Vacations are Great.........Traveling to Vacations S U C K.
       
      
       
      

Going, Going, Gone......Again

Recently I wrote about one of my favorite books called "Vanishing Americana". It is a fun soft covered book about things that are no longer around.  Actually, some of the subjects might be making a comeback, but for the most part, they are Gone.
      I probably have this book for some 10 to 15 years now, and it's still fun to glance at.  After all, as we age we all seem to realize that certain things are no longer with us....Well, I had so much fun sharing this before, so I guess I will add some new things to the menu.


Hitch Hiking.....Yup, that is something you really don't see much anymore.  When I was a kid that was probably one of the best ways to get around.  But I guess the country was lots safer then, and everyone did it.

     Bye Bye Hitch Hikers...No more.

As long as we are traveling, how about Gas Station Attendants ?  When was the last time you pulled into a gas station and someone filled you tank, checked your oil, checked your tires, and cleaned your windshield....Some of you reading this probably don't even know these services used to be performed on a regular basis...But to be somewhat fair, the cars were a little different back in the day and needed a little more servicing.  Got to admit that as a kid, I looked forward to my father pulling into a gas station and watching them do all that stuff. I remember that sometimes there was more than one attendant doing it....Shit, today there are no attendants other than the crew inside the station selling pizza, donuts, burgers, food, drinks, lottery tickets, cigarettes, and everything with one exception......Try to find a fucking mechanic to fix something.

      Oh well, another thing gone.

As long as we are traveling, what about a Hotel Key ?  When was the last time you had one of those in your precious little hands ?

      I personally always loved the Hotel keys in Europe.  Some of them probably weighed 5 pounds.  Another thing with personality gone for good......Now everything is a keyless entry.

Bye Bye Keys.........
       As long as we are no longer carrying around heavy hotel keys, shouldn't we still be wearing or carrying nice cotton handkerchiefs ?

      Too Bad.....That is gone also....I don't know anyone who carry's a handkerchief in their pocket and only a rare few have one in their suit pocket......Oh wait.....Who still wears a suit.??????
     I don't know if there is anything left to wear anymore????? (of course there still is )

    
      Yeah.......They are just about gone also......Oh no....not what is inside, just the outer part.....
Hope you have enjoyed this little trip down memory lane ???
   

      BTW....this is a pic of me wearing my new Cynical Ridiculous and Pathetic.....CRaPUSA Cap....Think how good this will look on you........It even came with a 20% off coupon on my next purchase.....Give a click and take a look....Sure you will love it also.......Zazzle.com/crapusa

Company

I was originally going to write about company and what a real pain in the ass it is. Sure, it's great for a day or two and then it seems to go to shit.  We all have friends and family that we have visited or have visited us.  Please don't think that I am a scrooge or a jerk, but I don't like company that stays for more than a day or two.  Naturally, if it's a good looking, sexy female, all bets are off.  But I am really wondering if most people are really like me ?  Company is a pain in the ass for the most part.

      The above however, is the part that is not the most part.  I love one on one visits. I really do not care for more than that.  It just seems that guests all have the same thing in common. They use more fucking towels then if they were staying at a hotel.  They make more of a mess then if they were at their own home.  And they need to be entertained on an hourly basis.

      I have to be honest and admit that when my best friend and his wife come to visit they are the general exception to my rule. But truth be told, they never stay for more than one or two nights, although they could stay forever because they are wonderful.  But again, I don't think there are many people like them.

       I also know that some of the women that have spent some time with me are worse than anything you can imagine.  Somehow, however, the better built and better looking they are seems to minimize the perils of their usually sloppy ways.   The other problem is that I am very clean and neat and sometimes I even make myself nuts with how anal I am.
       Fuck, I don't even know what I am talking about anymore.  I am sounding like one of those extremely shallow people that lets things slide if they are having good sex and simply learn to ignore all the other crap that goes with it.

      Maybe it's just the fact that Easter and Passover are almost here and I have no-one visiting me. Maybe I am a little sad about that, or maybe I am just thrilled to death about that. I admire some people I know that love company. They simply live to have company and do it often and well.  I am certainly not one of them

     Some company is wonderful and will always be wonderful. Some company is torture and will always be torture.  I think the fun is putting your friends and family into one of those categories.  Oh, By the way ?????????????   What Category are You In ????

I have Returned

Just returned from a wonderful week long trip and am exhausted...Traveling, or more closely defined, flying...................SUCKS...............Will tell you some great stories tonight...............Or should I say will rant and rave tonight about how the fucking airlines lost my bag and insists on putting 350 pound people in the seat next to me.

Traveling..................

Yup.......on the road again..............actually just a quick week off taking a little V and going to see the kids. Should find enough CRaP  out there to write about when I return.  Sorry for not keeping you abreast of the usual local and national nonsense for a while, but that will change when I get back.  So hang in there.  ( like your really waiting to read this crap ????)