Fired from my High Profile Government Job.

What a depressing day yesterday was.  Taking my son to Detox and also getting fired from my high profile important Government Job.  Thank you President Obama and I am very sorry that I let you and the rest of the US Government down.  Sorry that I was unable to keep up the high standard of quality employees in your wonderful administration.  Also very sorry that I am a conservative thinking person (although not a 100 % Republican ).  I have failed, and for the first time ever in my life, I have been fired from a position of any type.  (Actually I did once get grief about a position I was in with a young lady, but I don't think it is the same as getting fired by the US Government. )
     I did not commit any sort of a crime. There was no sexual problems. I did not steal anything.  It had nothing to do with the quality of my work.  I was never late or took time off.  I helped all my fellow workers.  I was praised as being one of the most productive people in my high profile group.  In fact, there is nothing I did, said, acted upon, wrote, or whatever that was anything but perfect.
     OK.  So maybe it is time to go into detail and complete disclosure on this terrible  ordeal of yesterday before it becomes a topic of conversation on Bill Oreilly or another Fox newscaster.
Those of you who have been carefully following my Crap of a blog and memorized every word I said in the past about my important position with the US Census will really enjoy this.  The famous D308 forms that must be filled out daily and turned in daily so there is no mistake whatsoever regarding this all important pay voucher sheet.  Naturally it is not computerized, but a carbonized sheet that after is turned in, signed by my supervisor, sent to some little island somewhere for some retarded government workers to check it again so that it can eventually be deposited in my account. ( lets not even go into the fact that my first weeks pay was a day short and finally just corrected ). Well, this complicated stupid fucken idiot form D308 has columns on the right for the hours worked in the am and pm.   They are filled in, but the total is put on the left side of the page where you then sign to attest that it is true.  Guess what ?????????  On one very very sad day, I made a little mistake putting down the time. ( Yup, I transposed a number on the right and it was an extra hour ).....But.................and I say But again.............On the left side ( where it really counts ) I had the correct total time I worked that day... In other words there was an extra hour on the right side which I never asked for and never got, but the left side was completely correct.  This form was further signed by my supervisor and submitted last week..............Here is the really good part......One of those retarded government workers from fantasy Island noticed the part on the right and immediately sounded an alarm and waved a red flag and although the hours were really correct for the week, and where I only signed for and asked for 40 hours pay, decided with the mistake on the right side it would have been 41 hours and not 40.  ( Even though I never asked for or received 41 ).   Thus I was terminated because you cannot work more than 40 hours........Now, can you believe how stupid our government really is???????????
       I am not pissed nor am I upset at this because it is so typical of everything that has happened during my several weeks working for the census department.  I have seen more waste, more nonsense, more stupidity, more duplication, more forms, more mistakes, in fact lets just say more of everything Ridiculous and Pathetic. ......I should write a Sitcom that would make MASH look like a serious drama..........If there is any irony to this whole thing it's the fact that I was completing more EQ's daily (top secret) than anyone in my entire group, I was showing everyone how to do their job easier and save the government some money, but most important, I was really having fun.

     Now how am I going to find another group of assholes to pick on tomorrow ????

Census 2010 Unleashed Part IV and final ?????????

I thought I had nothing more to say about this after yesterday and this past week.  Being one of the 600,000 or so enumerators around this big and beautiful country that we live in, I thought for sure that I would be finished with funny, horrible, terrible stories by now....Not the case as I found out today. 
    Last week I was out and about collecting information from a gated area where the cheapest home was probably about 10 million dollars..  Then I hit another neighborhood of gated homes that was much less.  Being such an incredible good worker, I probably completed more EQ's than anyone in my group.  ( Can't devulge what an EQ is due to it's top secret government abbreviation policy ).  But anyway I managed to get another book and a whole lot more address's to check and complete because of this.  I really thought it was cool that for once I was actually doing something I was suppossed to do.  ( This is a big time job considering I have not really worked for about 15 years since I closed my own company.
     So this past Saturday, I started my new area.  Not exactly gated.....Not exactly expensive homes....Not exactly  landscaped the way I like ........Not exactly anything.......OK, , so this Jewish kid from the streets of the Bronx was back in the Ghetto....... OMG. This was not really a great neighborhood, but that did not bother me until today,  WHEN.........2 Gigantic dogs tried to break through the front door to obviously welcome me. Fortunately no one was home and I managed to leave before the door was broken by these gigantic Pit Bulls...........( I will not be going back there tomorrow or the next day )  We have to personally visit an address 3 times if no one is home, but guess what??????? Yup..... No friggen way Jose.......   OK, I got by that little problem.
     An hour later I was around a small apartment complex that must have been for migrant workers.  I ran across the slum landlord who was not too happy about giving me any information.  He was a little verbal and wanted to let me know he was in charge.  I was nice at first just telling him I was trying to do my job and asked him for his help.  He kept getting louder and louder and really pissed.  I managed to keep my cool (amazing) and told him is was no problem at all.  I would be back another 2 times and that was it.... He seemed relieved until I finally uttered that another person would then follow up and they have to come back 6 times.  Whoa Nellie....... Now Mr. Peter Prick decided to be a little more cooperative and give me all the information I needed.  He gave me  his name after we were done (although I suspect it was not real) but would not give me his telephone number for a contact reference.....  We parted on such good terms although I doubt if he will be calling me to go out for a beer.  I also got the telephone number from one of the thousands of "For Rent" signs that were posted everywhere....I guess when there are illegal's living and paying cash, you don't want anyone to know.........especially our government.
      Moving right along I managed to find a complete array of individuals that would make a wonderful reality show.  Then I knocked on a door that had furniture outside that completely looked like a junk yard. But yes, it was an apartment complex.  A gentlemen about 55 opened the door at which point I showed him my wonderful Census ID, and told him I needed to take about 10 minutes of his time.  ( Really check out the Betty White Video on my blog of yesterday ).  He invited me in and asked me to sit on the sofa.  His other partner, whatever came out to say hello.  There I was with two wonderful gay gentlemen, their dog licking my neck, and them telling me their life history.  Whew.  For a while I was a little worried...  But all is well that ends well.
      I really did this Census thing in the hopes of meeting the woman of my dreams.. One can only dream......So far, I have met everything but.......Oh well, there is always tomorrow although there will not be a part Five.   Who knows..........................Maybe a TV series or movie ???????

Don't Count Me.......Part 2.......Why??????????

Just when I thought being census worker for a while could not get any worse, it got worse.  Now that is not worse for the work portion.  That is so simple and so ridiculous that a trained monkey could do the work.  The pictures above probably describe the way our government is handling this census.  The only positive note is that it only happens once every 10 years.  I think the reason for that is it must take 9 years to complete the one that was started on April 1st.   By the way, April first is the cut off, or main date for the 2010 Census.  Is that a coincidence that this date falls on April Fools Day ??????? I don't think so.
      So after my little rant the other day, some new events have taken place.  Every morning I have to meet my Crew Leader at a top secret place to turn in my D 108 form. For those of you that do not know that our government love to give every piece of paper or form a special number.  This is our pay voucher made in duplicate.  Why would this not be completely computerized ????? Oh, Oh, I did it.  I started a sentence with the word Why?????  Why did I do that???  My good friend H, who also works for the census tells me that everyday.  Don't ever begin a sentence with Why.....   Why is that??????   Because you will never get a real answer or never really know the reason for it other than "That is how the government wants it" .  OK,  I can accept this.   I don't know why, but I can. So I get paid from the time I leave my house, plus gas mileage to this top level meeting each and every day.  Now I turn this in to the group leader.......he turns it in to someone above him after carefully checking its content.  I am sure the last person mails or takes it to another secret location where some other government person puts it in order or checks it again to see if the person mentioned is really working for the government.  Finally at some point he will approve it and somehow get it to my bank for direct deposit.  I am sure this above mentioned system is so much better than one leader directly entering into a computer and that's that....Finished....Complete.....Done......... Why isn't that done.....Aaahhhhhhh I did it again.
     Now lets go to point 2.  This morning I had one of my completed census forms returned to me because I marked an X somewhat outside the box.  I showed this to 3 other people and they said it looked fine.  I felt like I got a red mark in the 3rd. grade because I did something wrong.  I did however manage to complete twice as many completed surveys yesterday than anyone in my group, but the only important factor is making sure the X mark does not go outside the box.
      It's sort of like our government not thinking outside the box to make the Census process easier for all concerned citizens. Surely when you are looking at someone during an interview you should not have to waste time to ask if they are Male or Female ??????  That is just one of many parts of this making no sense at all.
       Why should I make myself crazy about this??? Aaahhhhhhh, I did it again.   I am also amazed at how many people are hesitant to give any information because of them not wanting the government to know anything about them.   So silly.......Big Brother is watching all of us.  Hope big brother does not report me to the census police for giving my honest thoughts and looking for ways to save our government some money............Don't count of that...

Aaaaahhhhhhh Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid

Can't think anymore.  Don't know what is right. Don't know who is real. Can't believe the stupidity of parts of the US Government.  Can't believe anything that is going on lately.  Why are they planting car bombs in my hometown ? Why is oil leaking from the bottom of the ocean ? Why are they boycotting Arizona Ice tea that is not made in Arizona ? Why can't I think of anything to bitch about?
      Why I am still doing this stupid work for the Census Department when they have procedures that were outdated when FDR was president.  I just got a call that I have to meet my group leader each morning at 9.45 for very important business.  Can you guess what this important business is? Yup......it's handing in the form D 308. (everything has a number).  A simple pay voucher.  The fact that nothing is done by computer or electronically means these stupid 2 part forms have to be given in on a daily basis because some other jerk from the government is overloaded with work and can't figure out how to process these if there is a few from the past few days.  So what does this mean? Now there is some team leader, or supervisor that will sit around and waste and hour or two daily to receive these pay vouchers from everyone on his or her team.  This means that if I am out doing something, somewhere else, I have to stop what I am doing and drive to this location just to drop off my pay voucher for the day prior.  Of course I get paid for this time and also get mileage allowance as well. I am doing this census thing to be a good citizen and keep myself a little busier and have a few extra dollars. ( few being the key word ) These are your dollars hard at work..  I didn't think it could get more ridiculous since I wrote my blog on this recently, but it has.  God Bless America...............Where are the environmentalists  while the governments is wasting these tens of millions of pounds of paper on nonsense ? All one needs to do is look in the truck of my car to see forms 108 ,  bla bla bla........
      Now, getting back to my writers block.................

Don't Count on Me

Census Taker aka enumerator      I finally decided to do something for the USA, kill a little time, and maybe meet some wonderful female while getting paid for it.  Why not ?  So several months ago I took a test to work for the 2010 Census.  How excited was I that I learned I actually passed the test and would start my paid training this week ( a few days ago ) and really begin counting all the assholes in the USA that did not bother to send back their Census forms.
     Yesterday, you would have been very proud of me while I was sworn in.  Yes, I had to take an oath (the same one given to supreme court judges, the pres. etc ) to uphold the Constitution of the US and bla bla bla.  I have also been sworn to secrecy and not able to disclose information.  Failure to do so per Title 13 can be punishable by up to 5 years jail sentence and or a fine up to $250,000, and of course loss of this part time job that should last no more than 8 weeks, and will not happen again for 10 more years.  I also have very official ID that is really impressive.
     But forget about that boring stuff and lets talk about the good stuff that is going on in class.  I am learning so much. Why with 13 students ( me, 3 other normal people, and 9 complete idiots ) there are so many funny things going on.  Like one woman who did this during the last census.  She asks more questions, gives more wrong information, and has no idea of what is going on.  Obviously this airhead was forced to do this again to see if she can get it right.  It will never happen.  
     Then we have Ed Sullivan.  I was under the impression he was dead, but he sits there all day and I keep looking at him to see if there is any movement.  None Today ????
     Next is Oprah's sister.  She sits there all day eating snacks which is why she must weigh 320 pounds.
     There is also Joan Rivers. She keeps wanting to make the room colder so that her face lifts won't melt or crack.
      I really should not pick on these poor folks.  After all, they are merely trying to work and probably do a good job.   That is the problem............Have you even known any government job that made sense?????  Our instructor is a nice guy.  He sits there all day reading some scripted crap that will probably not have anything to do with what we are doing.  There are 84 different forms and every single one of them has a code name.  There are several hundred thousand people involved in this procedure all over the country.  Everything is done manually although there is a certain amount of information scanned..................Something however seems to be missing ?????????????  What can that be????????????? Can't guess????????????   It's F**ken computers.....Yeah......This is 2010 Mr. Census and computers have been invented. They even have them where they don't have to be plugged in.  They can go wherever we go.....I don't get it. I did the math and decided this country is doomed.  This process can be done in less than half the time and I am sure at less than half the cost if this country became part of the 21 st century.
     But I really don't want that to happen.  Surprised you.........How would I have my big paying, 8 week job, and chance to meet the girl of my dreams if this was all computerized ??????