Are We All Nuts ?

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Seriously Serious Part II or III ? or History of Government Part I

A few months ago I wrote about the effects of drugs on my son. The other day I sort of updated the situation and mentioned how excited I was for him to go for his court mandated evaluation today. I figured the long wait is over and some legal action would be taken to help him, where he is unable to help himself. (Or so it seems )  I got him there on time and the evaluation was scheduled for about 2 hours.  Now this is after it was postponed from last week due to them not having the court papers. I was Mr. Limo today because he does not have a car.  At 24, there is lots he does not have, but that is only of his own doing.  He does however, have my love.  OK, I picked him up after the evaluation and naturally I was all excited because I figured this might just be the beginning.....How fucken wrong can one person be ?????  It seems there is part II of this evaluation scheduled for next Wednesday.  I can't believe it.  I really can't believe it.  I am still in shock.  You mean to tell me these fucken idiots that run this place cannot have one 3 or 4 hour evaluation at one time, but must have 2 evaluations one week apart instead ?  Are these fat, lazy, dumb, whatever workers not allowed to work more than 2 hours at a time?  This is insane.  But I should realize that anything connected with our shit ass government does not work properly.  I would like to see one part of our government that runs something that works right. Something that is not bankrupt. Something that is not corrupt. Something that is not over budget. Something that really does some good.  So now, He is another week from getting results and another week from possibly going into rehab that is so badly needed NOW......
     I am going to do some major research and hopefully find something run by the state or federal government that really does work and really does work properly.  I will report back if and when I find something as I cannot think of anything off the top of my head that does work well.
     Maybe I just need to take a break from watching Glen Beck.  I am not quite sure whether it pays not to really give a shit or too care.  I don't know which is worse.   Oh well, fuck it all.  I am going out to meet some people and have a cocktail or two and I am sure solve all the worlds problems.

      Wish me luck ?????  And there is no image missing, it's typical of what should prominantly be displayed next to our Presidents picture in every Federal and State Office. God Bless America.

Seriously Serious

The other day I received a long TM from my son Z who I have not really been very in touch with this past year.  I had thrown him out of my house on several occasions and the last time was for real. What a terrible thing for a parent to have to do.  Talk about tough love ????  Someone should really talk about the constant pain a parent has whenever a child of his or hers has a problem. Well, this is something that has been going on for some time and gotten progressively worse.  Yes Drugs......You say to yourself  and ask yourself all the normal questions.  How could something like this ever happen?  There probably are no answers and it hits families of every type.  Z was very fortunate growing up.  This always bothered me because I was really never able to give my  girls (from another marriage)  what I gave him at those early years.  So the drug thing is what has been going on for probably longer than I ever knew.  He has gotten into trouble with the law (mostly somewhat minor), but it kept getting worse. 
     My crazy ex-wife has felt guilty about this for some time and that is probably the reason she has let him stay with her. Unfortunately, that too comes with consequences.  She would go nuts from time to time and imagine the worse.  They have problems constantly, but I still cannot let him live with me.  I had set up rules about housekeeping, working, sleeping, etc. that he was never able to abide by.  Might be cruel, and break my heart, but that is tough love....I gave and gave and gave and finally one day had nothing left to give.
     The ex-wife, S, always had 2 different personalities.  When we were married I thought it was somewhat fun for a while being married to , two different women.  I soon realized that I had made a double mistake.  I stayed married because of my son Z, as I know what my girls went through when I divorced their mother. ( especially my oldest daughter M). I didn't want to do the same to Z, although looking back I now realize it was a complete mistake.  But you can't change history.
     Anyway, these past few years have been horrible for me.  I would cringe at night if the phone rang late knowing it was probably something to do with Z.  On several occasions I was right but I don't want to get into that now.  He has slept in his car, with friends and bounced around like a gypsy instead of finishing school and working and hanging with the right people.  Thus the drugs.  I knew the addiction was getting worse and he refused any treatment , like most junkies do.
     Well, the other night I received a TM  where he actually admitted to the drugs and all the other crap that goes along with it.  He said he wanted to get clean and try to salvage what was left of our relationship and all that other stuff that goes along with that.  He also said he wanted this to happen by June 10th, which is his birthday.  The message was written beautifully and really made me cry.  I have read it over and over and truly want to believe everything in it. He said he is going to detox for 3 days after he is cleared from the hospital, and then will go to meetings and do whatever he has to for a complete recovery....Is it ever a complete recovery ?  I want to believe him, but can I ?  I want to hug and kiss him, but am so afraid because of so many disappointments in the past.  I feel like I am completely useless and hopeless at this point, but smart enough to know that he has to be the one to carry the burden.  He has to be the one to sacrifice and make it work. He has to be the one to prove to me that he can and will do this.
      It is such a horrible situation to go through for me.  Thank God for my daughter in California who I think is a rock and completely together.  I would like to think I was somewhat responsible for her being this way, but I know that is not the case.  I have another daughter living here in Florida that I am not very close with.  She is in the fairly tale business and very good at it.  Actually her life is based on fairy tales from some other planet.
     So here I am batting 1 for 3 and hoping the average will get better..  I have even told my son that I would go to Al-Anon meetings with him and he was happy about that.  I guess it is one of those things that you expect to happen to some other family, but never your own....

     I am lucky.  I did my share of drugs when I was younger, but was able to stop with no problem at all.  I only hope my son has some of that in him.