A long , long time ago there was this thing called a "Post Office". This Post Office was a wonderful institution for those people living in the USA and it performed a wonder task. This task helped individuals and business's alike.. It was a wonderful concept and spread throughout the USA like crazy.
In this little fairy tale that I am speaking of, (and it's my fucking story so I will start it wherever I feel like), this Post Office thing worked perfectly....Maybe my dates are a little off, but I remember growing up (or maybe hearing it from my dad ) that mail was delivered to our apartment building twice a day. Once in the morning, and once in the afternoon. Now, I grew up in the Bronx, NY, so I imagine this was only a city thing. On Saturday however, there was only one mail delivery and naturally nothing was delivered on Sunday. Postage rates in the late 40's and early 50's were no more than 3 cents. Air Mail however, was a little more. I think 8 cents ?
So in those pre computer days, pre zip code days, pre scanning and bar-code days...........well....in this fairy tale you get it.....I hope....Things were pretty efficient and mail seemed to get where it was going. After all, a major war had ended and people were writing these things called letters, post cards, and basically waiting for email and computers to get invented.
Lets fast forward this somewhat and let me continue this fairy tale into modern times. In fact, let me completely get up to speed and go all the way to July 13th, 2013. Oh wait....That is Today....
Gone are the days of rail, hands sorting mail, using maps and lots of paper and here are the days of computers, scanners, bar-codes and every modern device imaginable that you would think would make the post office the most efficient company in the world ??????? Right......????? Fuck No.
I begin my tale this morning going to the almost main post office here with two priority envelopes full of some stuff I was sending to my son....No big deal, nothing important, but I thought it was a flat rate envelope. I was advised by this nice young stupid person that it is not a flat rate, but would cost about $12 each envelope.....OK, so I was wrong......which I readily admit.......But it is still my story, so we are not going to dwell on it.... I ask him about the flat rate envelope and he shows me one that is $5.80 for as much as fits in and is also priority mail....Perfect I say...
I ask him for three of those envelopes and stamps to go on them.....He tells me they don't have stamps in that amount.....OK...so far.... I say, " can't you just use your meter for the exact amount and put them on the envelopes ? "... That is reasonable so far........(And I swear to God that this is exactly what happened} He says yes, and prints them out and puts them on these 3 large hard envelopes. I then proceed to pay him and figure I will take them hope, take the junk out of the other envelopes I brought with me, and mail them later in the day......I am happy as shit......UNTIL....
He hands me the 3 envelopes and I notice the two on top are the right size and the same one that he showed me, BUT, the other one was a much smaller size. (Naturally I didn't see him stamping them because he was behind the counter}. Whoa.....I say.....I can't use this size, will you please change it to the correct size ? And he says..." We don't have anymore of that size but the small ones are the same price"....(I could not ever make this up}. Now I am getting pissed and there are like 30 people behind me and of course he is the only one behind the counter. He as no clue as to what to do....I then calmly ask him to give me stamps in that amount or refund the postage for the envelope that is the wrong size....He now has to go to his supervisor, because he doesn't have the slightest idea of what to do.
The supervisor comes out to give me back the $5.80 cents. I really thought they were going to have some sort of a ceremony on my behalf or put my picture on a stamp. I especially felt bad for all the people on line behind me. I glanced behind and they were all looking in disbelief. Meanwhile there is still only that one idiot behind the counter.
The bottom line is simply...The post office sucks. It is a useless, outdated, obsolete, inefficient, business that must be run by a bunch of idiots. I also now realize why so many postal workers shoot themselves, or co-workers. So, Deliver your fucking mail once a week for all I care as I never send a thing by regular mail. Close all of your fucking post offices for all I care and turn them into Trader Joe's, massage parlors, or bowling alleys for all I care. It's time to use UPS or FedEx for everything , no matter what the cost is.
Unless, of course, this photo becomes the new USPS official uniform....So I am shallow....It is still my fucking fairy tale. And the irony of this whole thing is that it is all true......
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