I ordered Chinese food last night from a local Chinese restaurant. Actually, I picked it up and then drove home which took about 15 minutes. I then got comfortable, set my table for one (yes, I was alone last night) and put on the TV in the kitchen and was ready to eat. Now this whole procedure probably took 40 minutes from the time I left the restaurant. Let's face it, I had to park the car, take the elevator up, get washed, changed, and who knows what else.
In case your wondering what the point of this whole fucking scenario is ? I will tell you. Actually, I will ask you. Why is Chinese food so damn hot when it comes out of those take out containers ? Why is the soup almost boiling ? Why do you always seem to burn yourself when you put it in a plate ? What is the fucking secret these take out places have ,to have the ability to do this ? Don't tell me you never thought about that ?
I am convinced there is a conspiracy taking place in each and everyone of these take out places. Lets face it. There is one on every other block all over the country. Surely they know something that none of us know, or have information on. OK, being reasonable for a second. How often have you gone out for either breakfast, lunch, or dinner and ordered something hot on the menu ???? How often has this hot item (or even a cup of coffee), come out of the kitchen (20 feet away, and ordered 2 minutes ago ) ICE FUCKING COLD ??????? I rest my case.
Lets switch a little now and watch the odds change somewhat. Pizza....yes Pizza. We all love Pizza and we all have ordered pizza from our local Italian place or pizza place to either pick up, or have delivered.
What are the odds of that Hot, Fresh, Pizza being delivered Hot ????? Why is that Hot and Fresh is usually Cold and Soggy ? I have no idea, but if Chinese restaurants delivered pizza, you could bet your ass it would arrive Hot and Fresh. Just Saying.
If your willing to wait a day you can have anything delivered to your door either hot or cold. FedEx , or UPS, or one of the other delivery services will take care of all of this for you.
But now I am doing some serious thinking. What if packages were delivered to your local Chinese restaurant and then delivered to you from the Chinese place by bike or car ? Think about that. I may have discovered a cheaper and faster way for FedEx.
But alas......There are certainly some things that get delivered that will never go through a Chinese Restaurant, FedEx, or anything like that........Your local Escort Service. They will, however, arrive on time, look good, and you can bet everything you own will stay exactly in increments of an hour.
Actually, you can also bet on the fact of arriving hot. That will be a given for sure. This escort will never be cold, soggy, or spicy, or burn you when it's opened, or be closed on holidays.
Another plus is that you will be understood on the phone, unlike ordering Chinese. They won't require a signature to make sure you received it, But the real nice thing is the fact that you will never have to worry about how to wrap up the leftovers.
OK, so I am a little damaged.....But what is not real that I have written about.
Hey....please go to my Facebook page and like me....someone needs to....
facebook.com/crapusa
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