This morning a friend of mine wrote on her FB wall that she was looking for a mattress and was so confused as to what to get. I thought about that for a while, and started to think about the last time I bought a mattress. One would think this is an easy task????????? Just call 1 800 Mattress and leave the last s off for savings.....Well that was a commercial we all grew up with..Anyway, I thought about this for a while and my brain lit up and I realized that buying a mattress is the worse fucken task in the world. One would think you simply go on line, or into a store and say, "Can I please have a good mattress ", and that's it. Guess again Charlie???Buying a mattress is the most stressful thing other than planning a wedding. Think about this for a moment. There are a few hundred million people living in the US. What do almost all of them have in common ? Right... Sleeping on a bed. OK, so where do we get a mattress for our bed, or whatever it is going on ? You can go on Line... There are probably 5,000 sites to choose from and each site has hundreds of different models. Or, you can go into a store. There is Macy's, B'dales, Sears and all other full line department stores. Or, you can go into any one of the thousands of Mattress Stores in your neighborhood alone which include chains like Mattress Giant, Mattress Barn, Mattress Everything. ( You get the idea). Or you can look in any Sunday paper and see hundreds of ad's for mattress's of every type that are on sale for 20 -70 % off Regular price. Or you can search on line as I did before where Google alone had nearly two fucking million different sites for mattress's.
You are going to walk into this brightly colored huge store of nothing but beds everywhere, where you will be greeted either by an older gentlemen who has been selling mattress's for 45 years, or some nerdy kid with glasses who has worked there for 2 weeks. Either way you will be warmly greeted and told to check out this wonderful mattress set for only $499.00 and that special sale is ending tonight. Great, you look at you spouse or whoever, and smile and then make that first mistake to either sit, or lie on that bed....Bad move, because now you probably won't be able to get up because it is so soft. The clerk sees this and then tells you that he has some better ones that will be perfect for you. ( How does this dumb ass know ? Has he been sleeping with your wife and knows something you don't.? ) Now you sit on this next one and he tells you the price at which time you think you just bought a new car (not quite). $5,000 , $6,000, and up. Your now spending another hour lying on beds all over the store and going completely nuts. You finally say to this nice person that you will return and leave more confused. Naturally he also lets you know that you will miss the sale if you come back, but that he will work with you....The plot thickens.......your smart, so you have taken down some style numbers from the Sealy, Serta, or whatever brand and will find them cheaper on-line. Wrong again. The Magic Mattress Maven Midgets have devised a way to completely mark style numbers so that no two in the world match. You couldn't break the code for this if your life depended on it.
Well, your now home and having a little discussion about what and where to buy the mattress that we need so desperately. Your both smart and probably do the only sensible thing. Have a drink and say, " Let's talk about this and decide what to do NEXT WEEK. " Better go to the gym to work out those kinks............and lol finding a new mattress.
