OK, so here it is late Monday night and guess what??????? I really don't have the energy or the head to finish this...........................so.....................please be patient with me and I will finish it early tomorrow........Here we go again as it is now Tuesday about noon. Back from the gym after trying to beat myself up for allowing my son to spend last night here after a frantic phone call from him about 11 last night. Yes, I know I am a softee and stupid, but sometimes you must do what you must do, until you don't do it anymore. I am at that don't do it anymore point. What happens when a child shows no love, no affection, no caring, no emotion, no nothing ????? God knows I tried. Well, I will be strong today and hope for the best. There is such pain and guilt on my part although I know this was something that needed to be done. Over the last 5 years, he has lived with me, with his mother, with friends. Over the last 5 years he has been arrested more than once and guess who was always there to bail him out and pay legal fees. Over the past 5 years he has probably stayed in bed more hours than a person works ( of which he has not ), but managed to hang at night with friends. It goes on and on, but the Crap part and the Pathetic part certainly hits home.. ( and that is the hurt part ). Oh yes, did I mention that his car was impounded and sold last year because of other trouble???? Did I also mention that he is almost 24 years old ? Now I am approaching the Ridiculous part as I paid for most of the car years ago, so that he would be able to get a good job and get to and from work. ( He did use it for a few weeks to deliver pizza?????) The only thing missing now is something cynical, but the above has all been true.......Although I love him.............there is no end in sight. Wonder how anyone else would handle a situation like this....It really sucks and really hurts.
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