There was almost an ass kicking the other night. I promised that I would tell the story and the following is a pretty accurate description of the events of the other night. The pictures might be a little exaggerated, but the facts are most certainly true.
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| My buddy and me at the bar |
Every now and then, I meet a good friend of mine at a local Longhorn Steak House for dinner. It's a convenient place halfway between where he and I live. We usually sit at the bar, where we are pretty comfortable and are friendly with the wonderful bar people working there. We relax and have a drink or two before dinner and manage to catch up on everything. There are TVs there, so there is always a sporting event or news to glance at. We indulge in great conversation that never includes religion or politics, but is usually more about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Maybe even a little business and golf to show that we are not that shallow. We have been meeting there for about 2 years now and it is always an enjoyable couple of hours. Plus the food is pretty good, the drinks priced right and there is never a problem.
UNTIL of course the other night. While finishing up a cocktail and waiting for our food to come out of the kitchen, my right ear started to ring because of the lady on my right talking very, very loud on her cellphone..Now mind you, my friend and I were trying to have a normal , quiet conversation when I was no longer able to hear him due to this fucking loud mouth fat bitch sitting right next to me.
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| The cell phone lady next to me |
It wasn't even the fact she was so loud and rude being on her cell phone, but I felt like I was part of her conversation hearing every word. Normally, if it was something very interesting or sexy, I probably would not have minded............................BUT...............this bitch was giving a blow by blow description of her Hemorrhoid problem to her friend. I thought and was hoping it would be quick so that I didn't have to say anything, but NO......she went into every detail about her hemorrhoids, her pain, her medications etc......Now I am fucking furious because we are getting ready to eat and I really did not want to think about her Hemorrhoid problem while I was eating my salad. So alas....I did what any red blooded American Boy would do in this situation...... I asked her to please lower her voice or go outside and talk as I really was not very interested in her Hemorrhoids . To my surprise she told me to mind my business and that my friend and I were making just as much noise.....And then it happened........Her skinny ass older boyfriend jumps up from his seat and is right in my face.
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| Kick Ass Time |
He immediately asks me to step outside so we can settle this. I really try to avoid crazy people so I make the mistake and try to reason with him, telling him that I really don't want to hear about her problems while I am having dinner and that it's pretty rude to be talking loud on her cell phone. I even apologised for saying anything so as not to start trouble. (what I should have done is simply punch him in his face but you can't even do stuff like that today ) He then looks at my friend and tells us both to come outside and he will kick both our ass's. Now it is starting to get hairy.
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| My kind of fighting ? |
I can see myself going outside to fight with some of the ladies as above, but not with this jerky looking strange guy....Well, just at that time the manager of the restaurant comes over and tells this disgusting couple to leave. The waiter packed up the balance of their food and escorted them outside. He simply walked by us and never said another word.
I guess the old "Fight Club" in me turned out to be nothing more than a little verbal exchange. At least no one got hurt....I have a feeling this guy could have been seriously injured and we would have been in serious trouble....Anyway, got to enjoy our dinner and didn't hear anything more about her Hemorrhoids. Does this prove that alcohol and hemorrhoids don't mix ?
I was just thinking....."Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, If your young at heart ". Think young tell your friends about CRaPUSA.
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